TURNING POINT OF MY BELIEFS

written on the last quarter of the year 2007

On the fourth week of September, 2007 I’m feeling old, unfulfilled, and exhausted of my life enjoyments of all comings and goings from time to time so I’ve ceased to think about my life in general. I’ve decided to have my vacation back to my hometown, reunites with my parents and sibs and their children after leaving the place almost twelve years ago including my seven years of living away from all of them. I’ve tergiversated with my hopes and determination for my vision that I might be blessed with an exuberant subsistence. A life that is very convenient with contentment of being able to furnish myself, and my immediate family with everything necessary and advantageous from day to day that should be maintained or improved with innovations. At present, this great voluntary pause of my life caused my resentment and remorse about my past.

I’m not considering my childhood life in bitterness since it’s not my fault against myself born to belong to a poor family. If only I have an extraordinary pre-existent will and a choice of parents-to-be, I might rather choose someone’s parents elsewhere of any world’s richest and peaceful countries then I’m one of the famous philanthropists maybe. I’m not saying this as disliking my parents since whether I liked it or not I was destined to be with them and that best denotes me phenomenally of what I am yesterday, today and tomorrows. I should say that it is my fault to die still in the state of poverty.

My attempts to find myself better ended as failures. Those times of my independence and self-supporting condition of being young, I’ve enjoyed so much of my youth and my singleness though I’m still single. I’ve stopped my academic then work as a beautician. I’ve earned money and relished spending for my needs and wants as well. I’ve spent much each day as if it’s my last. Good to expense each needing and wanting than hiding or saving cash and knowing it a moment that it was lost or taken by someone, generously or double-crossed. I was frustrated when such wastage occurred to me maybe thrice. Most of the times that I’ve helped a lot of people, be it acquaintances or not, as long as I’ve something to share with or served with them – things that I can do without putting charges. I’ve admitted that I really have by nature this enthusiasm to help others for the greatest joy there is I’ve found every time. Even now on my lot of being down-and-out.

When I’m down I’ve often asked myself why on earth there’s no one to help me as eager as my joy of lending my aid to them? Though I’ve succored most of them without expectations of something in return, I’ve pinned my hope upon God’s divine providence and blessings. Indeed, God provides and I’ve trusted Him so much as my belief and faith of His existence though my belief to Him is very different from all of these present prevailing religions. Of course He is a supernatural being as known by believers – the One who created everything. I can feel Him through myself, my experiences and my involvement in His creation. Believers around the world have their own acknowledgment of God’s existence, God’s most holy name, His life, teachings, personality and character. They have similarities and dissimilarities. They even contradict the others and vice-versa.

Until now though they unanimously agree of One God, still the believers were divided into different religions namely: the Christianity which is multi-differentiated into Catholicism, Protestantism, Presbyterianism, Methodism, Lutheranism, Quakerism, Mormonism and including the other Christian denominations anywhere in the face of the Earth; then we have Judaism; Mohammedanism, Muslimism or Islam; Buddhism, Shintoism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Brahmanism, Sikhism, Lamaism… Each of them claimed their God as the true One God. Since religions were founded long time ago, the conflict has begun then in that period of time. Their beliefs really affected their lives. There were times in our history that reminded us about all those recorded wars and mass murders – mostly religiously motivated. These religious wars were not yet abated until this present time. It is still on-going by their argumentations, unlike the bloody crusades between Muslims and Christians. The past and the present have the same goal that may the people or group with the true God wins.

Once again my belief about God is almost the same but also almost different from theirs of course I believed in God’s existence proven by just upon seeing His creation and moreover it comes from within me. All these things and what we called phenomena are visible evidences of an extraordinary existence, the unseen Doer. I presumed that nobody has seen this we called God. Although there are religious scriptures that mentioned about man seeing God, God talking with man or any encounter between God and man. This also tagged these scriptures as holy or sacred but I think holy or sacred for me is something that is untouchable and never be soiled. I believed in things that I’ve seen but my view about that certain thing lies on my own critical thinking.

For me, all these religious manuscripts were just written by brilliant minds on their perspective setting and time irrespective of their ignorance to modern science. It’s obviously not God inspired writings or according to God’s dictation as they have claimed. It’s their untimely explanation of supposedly modern explanation made their writings stated as hidden figuratively for today. Pondering the truthful consideration, a dictation of an Omniscient Being is precise and perfect regardless of time being. Right terms and words of everything should have been used or dictated even if such words don’t exist in their present lexicon. Their threatening reply is always never raise questions against God’s works. That concludes their pathetic perception and fear of negative consequence. We have to consider several factors that influenced their work or writing.

It cannot be denied that rampant plagiarism of today has been practiced by these few writers of centuries AD. A lot of possibilities may have happened indeed. These scriptures were written a long time ago but discovered just a few years back. Archeologists would just assumed that this one is written by so-and-so because it bears his name and even calculated in his actual time of existence. Whatever, whomever, whenever and however these scriptures were written, for me they are all just mere compositions of gifted writers or lunatics of their times. I opposed to those who are called experts of antiquity that they really can distinguish things as it is a work of a particular person from over hundreds of once upon a time. I should say that all their documentations and studies were just approximations and far from accuracy. Maybe I would give respect to them as almost accurate but not perfectly and precisely accurate. A lot of maybes to consider these promulgated facts as for the moment. What is fact at present can be a myth onwards or be corrected.

Today, we have discovered a lot of errors on our old and even new educational books and by this event it is also very much expected that even ancient writings have a lot of erratum. My belief in God is not based on these writings although there are parts of its contents that I could agree. I know that I’m not a good writer, couldn’t be considered even just an amateur writer too. I don’t care, I just want to write what I have in my mind as my copy in which I can read from time to time, edit it for new ideas that is fair for all concerns. I’m not conscious about my grammar anyway as long as I can put and construct words in my own accord then hmmmmm hehe I’m on my urge of writing something originally from my mind. Words and religions were just the same, all are just human inventions.

Words are just words, might be effective or powerful like spells. But I don’t think it really works that way. Maybe unseen doer of what a word signifies make it happened. Well, the one who acted the meaning of the uttered word isn’t really unseen, I should say that they can be visible too if they want to; it could be an omnipotent being whom we called God. God acts according to His own will not to our dictations. I put regard to the existence of extra ordinaries or super humans but they’re not equal to God’s power. I’ll consider the terms angel or other god.