written on the last quarter of the year 2007
On my own point of view, the Bible is just a compilation of books of almost the same themes. As they have said it was inspired by God. It is really God’s words as believers believed it to be. That similarity can be possible because of certain factors to be considered like plagiarism, literary drudgery, etc… These happened a long time ago when writing became a trend. It was then that any words or literature can be used against another person or even groups. It affects their lives. The Bible is not exempted on this intent. I may not call in brainwashing because this term is too harsh. I should say the right word would be to influence.
As we can observe today word or words has been processed technically, implied by our age of information technology. You can see, read, find and hear information from so many sources. Of course these words are positive, negative and neutral. These masterpieces are combinations of this word category. There are lies, truth, facts, myths and even just nonsense. All of which really affects everyone. It depends on each individual, on their capacity to believing. Imagine the year 2000 panic, the doomsday. A lot of religious groups took refuge or shelter to their holy mountains, holy caves, holy dwelling places, paradise and such blah blah blah. What happened to prophesies of great saints? Hello, people wake up, it’s almost another decade pass the second millennium.
The Bible obviously influenced billions of believers around the world. Who’s not influenced when its weight starts on our childhood? Moreover when you consider its writings about those who do not believed will be thrown to the lake of fire – the second death, a place for eternal torture? The Bible literature defeated the mythological literature of the ancient Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the Scandinavians and even the ancient myths of each of our locality. The Bible was written to this purpose. It’s well-planned. Written as a weapon effective to vanquish people out of their own self, it targets the prospects intrinsic motive that’s why no wonder the writers wrote about damnation of non-believers, also those believers who err, and those who might be against their literary production – the Bible. These Believers and moreover their preachers were possessed, they’ve closed their mind, limiting it Biblically. I observed them as fanatics. When inside their church building, they’re like angels to each other but anywhere out of the sight or influence of religion they are ferocious, despicable beings like vultures.
I was often attacked by such Bible-possessed individuals. Once I was one of church goers, I’ve observed that they are attacking one another Biblically. I was worried about my sexuality in which the Bible condemns. Anyway, Bible writers never knew what it takes to be a homosexual in a lifetime. I often examined myself and even thought of giving up my life so that I would never do things expected as homosexual acts. There was a certain point of my life that I decided to shut myself to the priesthood to keep myself safely in my guilt complex by the service and the Bible as snooze reminder whenever homosexual cravings arises – that was on my high school days. I lost my faith when I discovered by frequent stay in the convent that even the priest whom I presupposed as religious who almost covered their whole body with the Bible like adornment or accessories and their meals of God’s words three or more times a day. These priests indeed are also capable of homosexual acts by victimizing their acolytes or sacristans.
I imagine how much more in their seminaries? It is true that such dirty secrets can be concealed in crowded places so it can be in secluded monastery and even in church buildings. So there’s nowhere to hide what I feel but within me, however hiding in a closet is like a life in prison and a hypocritical delight of male-looking faggots. I don’t like hypocrisy either. I thought of dying, but why? Is this why I came to life? To suffer being judged and branded as bad or evil to be thrown in the lake of fire according to the Bible stories and prophesies? Their god is very cruel then, bias and lunatic like mad scientists are. Imagine the prophecy, and our part why we’re born is to play the role as the good, the bad, the evil and whatever not-your-choice role. If your role is the evil then you’ll be damn to hell when the great show is over, directed by God Himself accordingly.
The writers of the so-called Bible only wrote a lot of prophecies, everything about the lives of evil doers and their punishments; also the lives of the good doers and their rewards. Obviously, it is written to motivate believers and non-believers. It discourages the wrongdoers as well as to do something really wrong besides this minimizes the number of wrongdoers. I myself can also write a lot of predictions and stories and literatures like this but I admit that I’m not good as Bible writers were. Besides I don’t have the intention to influence other people on my belief and put them inside my pockets. I can only just share my thoughts whether they liked it or not.
Now I have fully made up my mind to treat Bible as a rhetorical piece, magnificent maybe. See how the world was ever possessed by this writing? If it’s really what it claimed to be then I doubt that there is one that existed. I mean even the Bible itself. This book causes confusion, wars and arguments. It also suggested killings as just. The ancient Jews stick to their Torah and rejected or don’t accept the rest of the Christian Bible. More than 2,000 years had passed since the start of recording days into weeks, weeks into months and months into years long before the calendar was a trend.
Nowadays, when anyone attacks my sexuality and my lifestyle, I just listen and ignore them. Only gays can understand gays as only girls or mothers can understand what it takes to be girls with monthly period and the pain of giving birth. Explaining to others who are not under the topic is a waste of time and effort. It’s better on my own. Silence but ostentatious. My part of gay’s crusade for partial and gradual acceptance. Our attraction to other individual is phenomenal. It’s not our choice before we feel what we feel when we’re attracted to other person. It’s just that normally a girl is expected to be attracted with boys and vice-versa. While in my case, I never anticipated or even forced myself to have affection towards the same sex of the same gonad. It’s neither a choice nor an influence from the environment or peers. I object to the saying “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are” This quote is too poignant like the Bible. I have befriended a lot of people from all walks of life. I mingled with them for years almost everyday but I can say that I never give in to their bad habits especially the illegal. I know my limitations on dealing with their activities. Yet they are my friends whom I can trust more than the Bible-oriented ones. I also have few friends who are Bible believers whom I could consider as friends because I’ve sensed that they’re open-minded when we often meet and talk about things under the sun.
On the last quarter of 2007, perhaps my greatest downfall, it exceeded to my emotional chaos regarding my sexuality during my puberty. However I’ve already admitted the fact that I’m a homosexual. I’m happy of what I am moreover I’m proud of it.I’ve made up my mind to be conspicuous in public flying with colors than hiding in my closet which is most bisexual’s preference. Well, I’m not a bisexual who’s attracted to both sexes sexually. So I take the challenge by revealing what I’m feeling inside, be easily cognizable at one glance as an effeminate transvestite. This is my outrageous attempt against discrimination, deprivation of our right as humans, humiliation or mortification, abhorrence, discouragement, vulgarism, critical Biblicism, inhumane treatment and so on – the fiendish part of it when all of which aforementioned is done by our immediate family.
Despite of it all, homosexuals are overjoyed by the tiniest sparks of goodness, fragments of humanity, a blink of acceptance, a flutter of love, also a smile of respect, sympathy and consideration. Gay life is still colorful though only few people treated us very kindly however as time goes on we believed that by our vivacious ubiquity, social acceptance will be from the majority. But now my disgrace affects my inner self into helplessness and confusion. I feel like I’m on the start of going on with my life. Back at home like a child reminded me that I’m physically older now. Gone are the days in which I worked straight 12 hours, that was when the salon clients queued up for their turn of the services they’ve wanted, Unlike the present time in which us beauticians were spending each day waiting for clients to come.
To be continued…
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