(I have to write this in order to make my troubled mind clear on real occurrences regarding my 3-decade troubled family. In some other way, I do believed that the TRUTH shall set us FREE. I am not ashamed to let the whole world knew about the TRUTH in my family history and everything I've done and the knowledge I've kept in my mind.)
(Ang mga katotohanang nangyayari sa totoong buhay ay hindi dapat na ikinahihiyang malaman ito ng ibang tao. Ang mga totoong kaibigan ay matatanggap ka kung ano ka at kung sino ka at kung ano man ang nakaraan mo. Mga plastic lang naman ang nahihiyang aminin ang totoo dahil sa kanilang mga pagkukunwari. Galit na galit ako sa ganyang tao. Amen.)My siblings and I came to our respective ages and still striving to cope up with our hardships in our accursed lives. Who set curses to us? Our very own mother. Our very own mother who never showed up, never shared a penny, never visits and lay down her pride, never do anything to make our lives in a better state. Of course, I don't forget the fact she was the one who brought us to life and carried us in her womb for 9 months period et cetera... Well, thank you and a big round of applause! The truth is I never ever came to their lives before I was born and beg them to be one of their children. But is it what motherhood all about? If so then blessed are those women who enjoyed sex so much and bear a child and then left it like what? I can't think of any animal who lays eggs and left it wherever because even a hen would always come back to incubate or brood until her chicks were able to survive for themselves. Maybe a frog would just lay eggs and left... Was she a frog?
Since 2002 until present, who really helped her? Who really helped mother? Not I, because I myself needed help too and I'm still striving hard work to attained my life a better future and I'm far from it though I have few small achievements of my own all by myself. Thanks for the lending investors who are the winds beneath my wings (to mention Rural Bank of Tudela, Gata Daku, 24/25, Maestrado family and Paglaum Multi-Purpose Cooperative). Since I am close to my cousins (Tio Biro's children, Ate Elsa, Ate Jocelyn, Tio Talio's children) and relatives (Tia Basilia, Tia Soledad) in Pan-ay Diot side of my mother I have told them several times that if ever I am able I would get mother from Palawan and bring her here and be served though I grewn up not seeing her. But now I couldn't make it anymore. I no longer have a chance. Kuya Leny? Missing. Shy Sister? Kuya Loloy? Kuya Nonok? Viyo? Did nothing, like me. Maybe we have the same fate for the meantime. Ate Mercy? Yes, many times. That's the truth and nothing but the truth. I have to accept it without envy.
I understand that sometimes she doesn't want to extend her help because she too have her own problems. She's not a superhero. To those who need help, let's not just accept and accept help then forget. Our problems are the consequences of our own doings. So let's not oblige anyone to help us because it is ours alone. We do things our own way, do it alone, enjoyed it alone for the meantime, whatever it may be before and while taking our actions we can think of its advantages and disadvantages, its positive and negative outcomes or effects, then why blame on other people, other individual apart of our selves. When we're being helped by anyone let's not squeeze the helper to the point that the helper's life be burdened and be problematic like ours. And it is stupidity to continue helping when you are at the state of helplessness especially when the person to whom you've help wouldn't help himself. Being assisted once is enough, twice is more than enough, thrice and so on and so forth is an abuse. There are two kinds of people who needs help: one is who deserve while the other is who doesn't deserve the help. It is alright to be stupid sometimes but not for long periods of our lifetime on the same person to whom you've helped.
How many times I've helped that at a certain point of time I have to stop helping because my resources were diminishing so I have to save myself from bankruptcy. Sad to say at that moment of recession and parting ways, I was left and tagged as bad or selfish after all my contributions were shared and almost empty-handed. So now I've decided to mind myself, treat myself with the products of my hard work and ignore others who will just take advantage. Others who are not partying with me on their state of abundance but then when they're down I wonder why they knew me and asked for my help? There are some people like that.
We fall down but whenever we stand back let us learn from it. We have to change or adjust our ways to avoid the same fall down. If we're an orphaned or unsupported by our parents let us make it a challenge that even without them we can stand on our own. There are many ways. If you wanted to live longer and dream of a better future then analyze yourself and each actions you're going to take. Some millionaires were born from poverty. They started from small beginnings. Of course, you have to manage your life well.
Goodness bears some good things but that good things will never last so you have to be careful and be prepared. Not all times you'll enjoy the good things you have in life. Sometimes it's taken from us so that we can contemplate on how do we managed it. Then be given for the second time or not anymore. If given another chance then keep it well and be prudent always.
Bad ways often leads to instant and shocking fortunes however it always end up to nothing but a miserable life. What your life is at present is how you make it especially when you're already an adult, able, healthy, talented and skilled. Why live a miserable life when you can make it gratifying? The burdens you have in life is not 100% yours. It is not an act of selfishness to take away the burdens which are not supposed to be on your shoulder. It is like a process of reformatting. Have a break, go somewhere, be with nature, meditate in silence, examine yourself and your past, foresee your future you wanted to be, contemplate on how to fulfill everything you wanted then now is the right time to start and keep going even you meet obstacles along the way. Avoid mistakes to happen again and again. Strive to keep your happiness. Even World War 2 or 3 and 4 strikes, remember there is always a peaceful place and a peaceful moment. You will find it within yourself.
Good things that you could make last for your lifetime is just within yourself. They are on neutral or average level or quality. The extreme or intense happiness you find from being with someone is not the real ultimate happiness we should keep because we can't keep it for a long time when it is not from within ourselves though we felt it from within. The person who caused or brought that happiness to you will not be certainly with you for a lifetime. I won't consider forever as well because forever is just too imaginary. We are not immortals, we just have our lifetime as mortal beings. As we have observed and couldn't deny that too much of something is bad enough. I also agree that too much of goodness is bad enough.
Anything apart from ourselves are just superficial. Even our body. The real you is within yourself, it is alive and the source of all you can think of, from and about yourself; be it good or bad it's up to you what life you wanted to live with. Just acknowledge it and everything will be alright. You can be happy even at war or in a problematic situation. The control is in your mind - by good reasoning. And don't ever forget yourself unless you wanted to give up your life. That self I am referring to within is the source of all good things that no one could take these away from you. It is more than a wealth because it can generate you to have wealth in anyway you can. I called it 'self' though it is called by some people as determination, hard work, dream, vision, initiative, guts et cetera...
Being aware of this 'self' is not being selfish. Selfishness is apparent only when you are abundant of something that you won't share to anyone. If you just have enough for yourself for a certain period of time that you have by hard work then you are just fair not to share it unless you just have it wasted in your hands. Besides it is not your obligation to feed the idlers. No one has the responsibility to help idlers too. Idlers are responsible to their selves. Lazy people are not supposed to be helped - they don't deserve. You work hard to change your life, maintain it and not take advantage from anyone.
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